I've often been asked this question in workshops I've run or by individuals I've been working with. It's such a fundamental issue for so many people who want to break an old pattern that no longer works for them or instill a new one that would serve them better, that it deserves some significant exploration - something I'll come back to several times in the weeks ahead.

The first reason behavior change is difficult relates to the way we learn behavior. All the cognitive instruction in the world is pretty much a waste of time unless we put it into practice over and over again until the new behavior becomes familiar enough to stick. We've developed our existing patterns of behavior through constant repetition. So it's unrealistic to think that we can unlearn it in an instant, let alone replace it with new behavior without regular practice. Seeking to substitute one desired new behavior for one undesired old behavior is actually a double process. It requires us to repeat the new behavior to pattern it and constantly block the old one to break the habit. For both aspects of a change, practice is the key. Any tools, management systems and commitments shared with others that help us stick to our practice regime can be immensely valuable.

There's a four step learning process associated with any behavioral change. Before we realize we need to change we're in the enviable condition of being unconsciously unskilled - we're unaware of the need to change and so it doesn't matter that we don't know how to do bring it about. The process of realizing change is required shifts us to the next stage of being consciously unskilled - we know we need to change yet still probably don't really know how. This is the trickiest stage to work through - maintaining motivation and commitment can sometimes be just too hard.

Assuming constant practice helps us push through this, we reach the third stage where we become consciously skilled - we know what we are doing now. Maintaining regular practice becomes much easier and we make good progress.

The final stage is when we shift to becoming unconsciously skilled. Our new behavior is sufficiently instilled in us that we routinely exhibit it and barely even need to practice consciously. Our practice has become a habit that will serve us well. When it stops doing so we'll again become aware of a need to change and then move into another cycle.

Ivan Sokolov